So I started off strong going through the Bible in a Year. I'm playing catch up at the moment, but that's okay, it's just in leviticus...actually, it might be done by now. I'm not really sure. My small group decided to do a study on hell, so I've been distracted by that, but that's okay, right?

Well, because of it, I've been thinking a lot about Moses. I mean; I've never realized how distorted my mental version of that story was because of Prince of Egypt or whatever the name of that movie was. Don't get me wrong, there were definitely some accuracies, but I couldn't believe some of the differences.

For instance, Moses killed a man. He didn't just accidentally cause the death of an Egyptian; he angrily ended someone's life. He looked both ways; he thought about it. There was something deep down in him that was dark, and so he committed one of the few acts that is punished by the forfeit of his own life. The consequences of his actions for him to go into to hiding.

His sin separated him from all he knew. This person had to run. I'm sure Moses thought that there was nothing left for him. He no longer had a name or reputation. This guy did something horrible, yet, God would use him to display his mighty power. This display of power was used as the standard of God's power and mercy for all the old testament. They would speak of the time God used Moses to split the sea.

This was the same person, who after a third of his life, killed a man. Somehow, that didn't define who he was. He became so much more by God's grace.

It's funny; I think it's a universal feeling or hope that we wouldn't be known by our worst sins. I think it's hope that we have that God will show His amazing power and grace through us and our weaknesses. As I put the finishing touches on The Promise from Pain, I think about Moses and pray that my sin would not be my label.

I remember when I first turned the radio purposefully to 106.1. Yeah, it was awkward. I could feel the devil and an angel debating on my shoulders. One was talking about indie pride; the other was ranting about raving. So maybe I should say two different devils. In fact, that would be better. I don't know if the angel really cared about keeping my indie pride or diving into the pits of four on the floor.

Well, I knew I wanted to understand music that specialized in relate-ability, and I figured the best way for me to do that would be to hear what's hot. So with my trembling finger, I hit the seek button till I landed on 106.1. There were two songs that I loved letting my ears listen; and yes, feelings of guilt did follow that love. I'm pretty sure there's a term for it.

While different genres rotate under the spotlight of pop, the current genre of popularity is dance. This is especially true for the artists who serve Dance with a some Hip-Hop on the side (here's to you Rihanna). There's something about these songs that we love to hear. The synth hooks get stuck in our heads; the first chorus lines are on repeat indefinitely. We find our feet or hands kinda stompin' that beat.

So this exists, the weird thing is that there are two artists (at least if you were honest with yourself) that you like to listen to. The first excuse against these two if you listen to pop is that they are overplayed (one with six singles, the other with four singles...touche...). There are some others that people will use, but be really honest with yourself. How do you feel about Adele? Right. I know. Me too, but what about Katy Perry?

I couldn't help but love the song "Firework." (even if you don't like the song, check out The Backbeats' performance of the song from Sing Off finale of season 2) There's something about these two artists that create the weirdest fan following I've seen. It's that combination of indie and dance crowds. For some reason, (I was surprised about Katy Perry as well) indie people seem to like Katy Perry. It's weird because Adele has a very indie sound to her. It's raw. Katy Perry is the pop queen. There's nothing about her that screams indie.

So I listen and have to wonder, what about these two artists make them so likeable to such a polarized group? Even Adele's new single "Set Fire to the Rain," is currently hitting both types of radio stations. So what gives that you can find both artists on itunes playlists with either the indie crowd or the pop crowd?

I've got one guess. Agressive, emotional vocals. There's something about their delivery and the emotions that they put behind that delivery that calls to our ears. I think people love the chance to hear that emotion. I mean, having been the person that used to know every unknown band ever, I know the critiques of the emotionless, the witless, the uninventiveness, and the robotic nature of pop music. But I hear fireworks, and I feel like Perry is actually trying to communicate emotionally. I hear Rolling in the Deep, and I start to feel Adele's pain.

I think there's something about communicating that emotion. I know that's one thing that I'm trying to learn and balance is singing with emotions. The hard part is bringing emotions but not losing pitch. I have no idea how they do it (with auto-tune...i know...let's calm down about it. it exists. everyone uses it.), but when I think about pop, I'm starting to think about the emotions conveyed, and I think there's something that we like to hear in those emotions. There's something to be said about all the things that are communicated in a song.

So I'm listening to the new and last DCB album. I figured, I might as well join in the conversations that this has brought up. I love how every review mentions the same two things. It talks about how this is a phenomenal way to end, and it's a masterpiece. I swear, that word is thrown into every review of that album...and rightfully so. After listening to it like it's the soundtrack of my week, I can't say it isn't epic. In fact, I won't.

This is definitely a concept album, and they carry their goal well. We have an album that finishes the idea that was started in A Collision. They continued their conversation on death, and we get this beautiful album that really dives into this concept of death. (aside: I love how it ends with "Because He Lives." What a great way to end an album that looks at the celebration of death.) So they took the concept of a requiem mass, and they created their musical expression. (Aside 2: one of the reviews said they couldn't call it the greatest worship album ever because it didn't have enough sing a long worship songs).

So I got to wondering, "is the concept album dying?" It seems like listeners are becoming more and more singles based. Albums are just compilations of 10 or 12 singles. We're likely to buy individual songs from iTunes for $.99 instead of the $9.99 for the whole album. Why spend money on all the songs you don't want to listen to? Why fork our the extra dough for the songs you know you would've skipped if it was a cd? I mean, that's why we make mix tapes (wait, not tapes), mix cds, playlists, radio play. These all promote the idea of songs as singles.

Albums aren't made as whole messages any more. They just contain various messages through songs. Songs are now the main carrier of themselves. They are independent. Now, there are still albums where the songs might relate, but for the most part, it's the responsibility of the songs to carry whole messages.

Go through Katy Perry's Teenage Dream album (don't really). That cd currently has six hit singles from it, and she becomes one of Sawyer's interesting people. Granted, to have six big hit singles from one lp is a rare feat, but her album was made to carry twelve of them. So I look at modern albums (cds are dying, like cassettes, whatever those were) and realize that concept albums are becoming fewer and fewer.

But I don't think our desire for concept messages is gone. Church goers think it's cool whenever every aspect of the service is geared toward the sermon. If the songs give allusions to the sermon, we say the worship experience was better (whatever that may mean.)

But I think music as a medium is changing. The way people are listening to music is changing. Because of that, the way people create music has to change with it. So music is background noise for most. I mean, I'm listening to new worship music as I'm typing this, and yeah, I'm not really paying attention and engaging the artist and his lyrics like I'm sure he'd like. But I'm the listener, and I'm sure he made this music for me to push aside his message...and he can get $.05 from my streaming his music on spotify.

"please read...Not joking...God has seen YOU struggling with some thing. God says its over. A blessing is coming your way. If you believe in God send this message on, please dont ignore it, you are being tested. God is going to fix two things (BIG) tonight in your favor. If you believe in God, DROP EVERYTHING & PASS IT ON. TOMORROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. DONT BREAK THIS CHAIN. SEND THIS TO 14 FRIENDS IN 10 MIN ITS NOT THAT HARD WHOEVER SENT THIS TO YOU MUST CARE!"

This is a text I received a few nights ago. (DISCLAIMER: I don't want to know who sent this.) My phone didn't recognize the number, and I didn't want it to either. This blasted thing gave me a lot of different emotions. I mean, the first was anger. After this entire year that has sent me on a completely different path, it was hard to see this thing with kindness.

God has seen me struggle. God has seen me struggle, seen me fail, and seen me trust. Yep. I look at the struggles and hardships, and they are times to trust. I can honestly say that I've never trusted God compared to how I do now. No way. I have to trust God. I have to trust Him with grace, mercy, and forgiveness. There's no way I'd still be standing if I didn't. Never has a time put me in a place of this powerlessness where all I can do is trust him. I think about the truth when Paul said "if we are faithless, he remains faithful--for he cannot deny himself." I think of how true that's been.

Then this weird thought crept into my mind: what if this text is true? What if the things I struggle with are finally over? What if tomorrow is the best day of my life? (it wasn't) I wanted this text to be true. I almost sent it, but then I remembered that this seems out of line with God's character. It's funny; I don't know many times where I've seen God remove people's struggles. I've seen Him rescue them from situations and work through (or in the midst) of struggles but not remove. Not that God isn't powerful enough to do so, but that's not really His m.o..

So I didn't do anything with this text. I didn't resend; I didn't seek out the owner. I just set my phone down and prayed. Then I thought about the person who sent this message. Chains come because the person buys into its promise and does what it says. Which means that this poor person is dealing with some struggles that they desire to be delivered from (now, honestly, we all desire to be delivered from our struggles). This really got me to question the nature of struggles. What are our imperfections here for?

Are struggles suppose to be things we conquer or things that continually show us our need for God? What do we do with the pain that they create, with the needs we try to meet through struggles? How these struggles cause us to relate to others and how we should deal with them as Christians in fellowship? I started to feel bad for this person because they had such a strong wish to get rid of them that he would trust a text.

Then the sadder question. What will happen to this person's faith when the text doesn't hold its end of the promise? What happens when the text tries to show the authority of God only to come up short? I hope one of the other thirteen people will ask what burdens this person needs help carrying. So I guess, my question is, what burdens do we need help carrying that we wish a text could lift?

One of the toughest parts of my day is taking time to process. I don't think I'm alone. There have to be a good number of people who will read more, work more, drive more, listen more, and take in more than they are able to process. I remember having a friend who once told me he believed kids read more today than ever before. What they read may not be "good writing," but from all the tweets, facebook statuses, blogs, and whatever little school reading they do, they read a lot.

I wonder about how much this is just true with information in general. All of us have this problem that we take in a lot of information, but do we ever process what we've taken in. I read about 40 blog posts a day. A lot of them are not really sizeable, but a few of them are. One of those blogs, stuffchristianslike.net, posted this video. The blogpost is actually pretty old. Sadly, I think I just now am getting to the point where I'm REALLY starting to think through and take apart the story that this video tells.

I want to encourage you to watch a ton of this guy's videos. He has a few that has done me really really good. All in all, these videos make me want to create, to write, to record, to edit. There's a strong desire in me to create. One of the problems that I face is that I never take the time to process. I'm learning that with 7 years of built up ideas that I blocked myself because of everything I couldn't but wanted to make or do. Then I watch videos like this one, and I want to create again; I just can't do it.

I have to process everything. I have to sit down and be okay to think, to gain an opinion and an understanding of what I've seen, read, or heard.

While watching this video and actually processing everything that's happened over 9 years, I'm finally starting to understand things. To understand my sin, my dreams, my guilt, my hope, my shame, my talents, my destruction; there's something left. God hasn't abandoned me. God will restore me with grace, and God will use me. I want to create, but I'm fractured. One day, I'll see the beauty of God's plan. One day.

I hope you'll watch this video, process the things that are happening, and start to understand where God is in all of it. I'm trying to.

I ran across an interesting question the other day. It's no big deal, but it definitely got me to thinking a lot. The question was a simple one that sounds like a "get to know you" question for a small group discussion. It's almost kinda throwaway, but it gets people talking.

"What's the most compelling songline for you?" And I couldn't help but think about that question. What songline moves you to something? What songline is it that creates a pulling force that you just can't help but move? Compel is such an interesting word. More so, this discussion was about people telling other people what lyrics drive them to action.

So what lyrics do we find moves us the most? And what a standard for writing. Are the lyrics that are being pushed with a melody something that moves us deeply?

On the side, it was interesting to see how people responded. Most people loved ironic writing or lines that turned phrase (the stuff the Sphinx was the best at). But it really made me think about the lyrics that I write and what I hope for with my music. Do writers write to move others? Do they write for themselves? Are worship leaders trying to hard to compel their audience to worship that they neglect the passion and life that they live?

What lyrics compel me? What lyrics compel you and why?

Finally getting back into the whole blogging thing.

Four Christmas songs are recorded. You can buy them here. Listen to it here. Find blogs about a couple of the songs here.

One of the songs that I haven't talked about yet is Hark the Herald. This song has actually taken on a new meaning since yesterday. Talking with some friends, they were throwing around ideas for sermons on Christmas. One of them suggested something that took me aback. They talked about how powerful the lyrics are in Hark the Herald Angels Sing.

For some reason, I never really broke down the lyrics. I always thought a bit about the meaning of the song and my heart behind singing it, but I never really studied into the lyrics. It's amazing. I suggest you do it. 

So it's christmas time. For some reason, I always think about an e-mail I once wrote about 4 years ago. It referred the end of Malachi. It talked about waiting. It dealt with wondering what it would be like to wait 400 years to hear from God.

I can't imagine 400 years of silence. The last words that you hear from Yahweh's prophet is "See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the Lord comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse."

Now wait. Wait a long time. In fact, wait a lifetime. More so, wait four or five lifetimes. Then hear God's voice again. I can't imagine what type of patience that must've taken. I barely have the strength to wait for a week on things that have little to no importance in my life, none the less having to wait for the great prophet Elijah.

The church is kinda put in that same position when it comes to waiting for Christ's return. The Bible is closed, and we have the Holy Spirit continually speaking to us. But, we still have gone a long time since Jesus told us He'd be coming back. It's been more than 400 years. Yet here we wait.

I think about this when it comes to Christmas songs. We express such a huge joy when it comes to remembering Christ's incarnation. We express our excitement for the salvation He brought. It's such a marvelous gift.

On iTunes, there are (or will be) four christmas songs that mean a lot to me. Not only do I think about the culmination of waiting, but I'm reminded of the hope that I currently wait for. These songs encourage me in waiting. My favorite christmas song is O Come, O Come, Emmanuel. Not only does it carry tension in waiting for the incarnation, but it reminds us of the tension in waiting for Christ to come back.

I hope you enjoy those songs. I hope you have joy in His first coming and joy in waiting for His next. The Lord is come. His presence is here with us, yet we wait to see His face.

Now here's something I always have a hard time understanding. I feel bad when things are okay. I don't know how to handle times when I'm happy. I don't deserve to feel joy. I think at the root of this is that I still struggle to earn something.

I struggle with having to earn people's forgiveness, people's acceptance, and things that amount to me trying to find a value or worth in others. At church, the pastor gave me a lot to think about. I'm left wondering why I try to extract these comforts from people.

I look at it and realize that my joy doesn't come from Jesus like it should. Jesus is come. This fills me with a joy that I shouldn't feel like I need to earn. It's a joy who's only response is worship. "The Lord is come" is a phrase that I am trying to never forget over this holiday season. It's a phrase that always gives my tongue trouble, but Jesus' presence is still here.

In a few days (possibly tomorrow), a four song EP is going to come out. On it is an acoustic rendition of the song Joy to the World. I'm posting the full version here. This song means a lot to me because of that phrase and because it uses worship as a response to the joy that is brought by Jesus. The EP is accurately titled The Lord is Come.

Man, I'm so sorry that somehow I've forgotten to update in a few weeks. Recording things in the midst of a busy season at work has not been as easy as I thought.

Well, the last song on the album is called Falling Down. I remember so many times playing this song. It's pretty old. I remember how much it meant to be able to play this song. The lyrics hit deep every time. I remember the struggles, the sin, and the desire for forgiveness in these things.

That desire for forgiveness and mercy that was held in the lyrics referring to communion is the same desire that I have now. It's something for which I long. There's so much that is tied into the idea of communion. Up there is an acoustic of the song. I'm the most excited about finishing this song, but it's probably also the hardest one for me to finish.